As we are preparing for the recertification process this month, it dawns on me that we have been "in" foster care for about a year now. We get asked almost daily how can we possibly do this, and references have been made to "super mom" or "amazing people". We aren't. Just plain and simple. We struggle with this just as anyone else would. So I thought I would write down a little list of things I have learned this year to give you a glimpse into our life...behind closed doors.
1. I never thought I would be a boy mom. I love frills and bows and tutus... Now I trip over cars and dump trucks. And that's ok too.
2. I have a new name. I get called "Mama Amy" almost as much as I get called "Mrs. Kelton" at school...although maybe more since it is coming from a toddler that says things in triplicate.
3. I have learned to love the unlovable. A fellow foster mom told me that not every child that comes into your home you will connect with immediately. I have found this to be true as well. But that does not mean that this child needs any less of me or my love. Talk about hard core stuff!!
4. I have learned how "the system" works...or how it is supposed to. I have a new bank of vocabulary words (and abbreviations) such as, probable cause, TPR, attorney ad litem, etc. My children have learned these words as well. New vocabulary is a good thing, right?
5. We have experienced devastating loss... The kind where you don't want to get out of bed ever!!! And with that, we have experienced a miracle worked in front of our very eyes. It is the most amazing thing!!!
6. I have learned how giving and loving people are to help out foster parents. I have never been "in need" of something I did not receive from other foster parents, friends, or family. It literally brings tears to my eyes to look around the boys' rooms and see it furnished out of love by others.
7. It is sobering to think about how we are these kiddos' EVERYTHING right now. We clip the toenails, we tie the shoes, we wash the clothes, we give the hugs... Yes, it is exhausting, but if my children were ever taken from me, I would want someone to do the same for them.
8. My vacuum is used 3x more than it was and I have learned my dining table isn't
big enough any more...
9. I love sharing this experience with our daughters. They, too, are learning these lessons.
10. I giggle at the cuteness each time we put 3 little blond-headed boys in the tub together... Seriously, you are missing out!
11. I dread the paper work that I must do. The medicine logs, fire drills, dr. visits, documentation of events...
12. I have used more than half of my time off of work for court dates, dr. visits, staffing appointments, etc.
13. I get frustrated and angry because things don't go like I think they should, or "someone" did not do what they were supposed to do. I do not like getting misinformation (or none at all) when I am the one keeping the child(ren) and feel I should get more respect... I volunteer for this you know...
14. When we are in public, we get lots of looks. We get told often the boys look just like us. We get looks that tells me they think I should be on birth control. But my favorite one is where they are trying to do the math in their head (how could I possibly have had an 11 month old and 14 month old...?)
15. I am not as patient as I thought I was. I had taught kindergarten for 10 years and that has nothing on three under three... Just sayin'
16. I have learned that two kids isn't enough after all. I never thought I would adopt. And in fact, we did not begin this journey in foster care to adopt at all. It looks like we are headed that way this summer and I could NOT imagine my life without Baby J...but that was not the plan.
17. I have four car seats in my car. Four.
18. I love being able to look back (because you KNOW I was not thinking it at the time) on things and realize I was stretched beyond what I thought was possible--and survived!
19. We do not eat out as much. Not really because of cost (although that is a plus), but because of the CHAOS of handling all 5 kids in public! ha! But it is a good thing.
20. We have learned how rearrange our day to make the lives of these little guys easier (and indirectly, making ours smoother as well).
21. I love knowing that we have given these boys a safe place for now. They love going to church and playing outside. Perhaps these are things that are all foreign to them...
22. I have learned you don't have to know someone's story to love them. I may never know why they scream at night or why they think they need to eat constantly...
23. I also learned that these parents love their kids and should not be judged by me. Addictions are dark demons to get out from under, but that does not replace the love these parents have for their kids. I am thankful I have met one of our mamas that taught me that lesson...
24. I have learned that I want no one but my husband to go through this crazy roller-coaster ride with me. To watch him open his heart to these kids is amazing.
25. I have learned it is NOT all butterflies and roses. The screaming fits, and the screaming...did I mention the SCREAMING??? is enough to put anyone under! Food has been thrown, we've been hit, and we have had our heart broken with a baby screaming from drug withdrawals... I have cried out of desperation and exhaustion, and lost sleep because they are "up again..."
26. But I have also experienced the benefit of prayers going up on our behalf. How else could we do this? We are not super parents... We are not miracle-makers... We are regular people that felt God calling us to foster care and love the forgotten, the broken, and the unlovable ones. We are His hands and feet...which is so calming to me when we are in the middle of "another" fit with one of the kids.
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