What I have learned from a year in foster care

As we are preparing for the recertification process this month, it dawns on me that we have been "in" foster care for about a year now.  We get asked almost daily how can we possibly do this, and references have been made to "super mom" or "amazing people".  We aren't.  Just plain and simple.  We struggle with this just as anyone else would.  So I thought I would write down a little list of things I have learned this year to give you a glimpse into our life...behind closed doors. 

1.  I never thought I would be a boy mom.  I love frills and bows and tutus...  Now I trip over cars and dump trucks. And that's ok too.
2.  I have a new name.  I get called "Mama Amy" almost as much as I get called "Mrs. Kelton" at school...although maybe more since it is coming from a toddler that says things in triplicate.
3.  I have learned to love the unlovable.  A fellow foster mom told me that not every child that comes into your home you will connect with immediately.  I have found this to be true as well.  But that does not mean that this child needs any less of me or my love.  Talk about hard core stuff!!
4.  I have learned how "the system" works...or how it is supposed to.  I have a new bank of vocabulary words (and abbreviations) such as, probable cause, TPR, attorney ad litem, etc. My children have learned these words as well.  New vocabulary is a good thing, right?
5.  We have experienced devastating loss...  The kind where you don't want to get out of bed ever!!!   And with that, we have experienced a miracle worked in front of our very eyes.  It is the most amazing thing!!! 
6.  I have learned how giving and loving people are to help out foster parents.  I have never been "in need" of something I did not receive from other foster parents, friends, or family.  It literally brings tears to my eyes to look around the boys' rooms and see it furnished out of love by others. 
7.  It is sobering to think about how we are these kiddos' EVERYTHING right now.  We clip the toenails, we tie the shoes, we wash the clothes, we give the hugs...  Yes, it is exhausting, but if my children were ever taken from me, I would want someone to do the same for them. 
8.  My vacuum is used 3x more than it was and  I have learned my dining table isn't
big enough any more...
9. I love sharing this experience with our daughters. They, too, are learning these lessons.
10.  I giggle at the cuteness each time we put 3 little blond-headed boys in the tub together...  Seriously, you are missing out! 
11.  I dread the paper work that I must do.  The medicine logs, fire drills, dr. visits, documentation of events... 
12.  I have used more than half of my time off of work for court dates, dr. visits, staffing appointments, etc. 
13.  I get frustrated and angry because things don't go like I think they should, or "someone" did not do what they were supposed to do.  I do not like getting misinformation (or none at all) when I am the one keeping the child(ren) and feel I should get more respect...  I volunteer for this you know...
14.  When we are in public, we get lots of looks.  We get told often the boys look just like us.  We get looks that tells me they think I should be on birth control.  But my favorite one is where they are trying to do the math in their head (how could I possibly have had an 11 month old and 14 month old...?)
15.  I am not as patient as I thought I was.  I had taught kindergarten for 10 years and that has nothing on three under three...  Just sayin'
16.  I have learned that two kids isn't enough after all.  I never thought I would adopt.  And in fact, we did not begin this journey in foster care to adopt at all.  It looks like we are headed that way this summer and I could NOT imagine my life without Baby J...but that was not the plan. 
17.  I have four car seats in my car.  Four. 
18.  I love being able to look back (because you KNOW I was not thinking it at the time) on things and realize I was stretched beyond what I thought was possible--and survived! 
19.  We do not eat out as much.  Not really because of cost (although that is a plus), but because of the CHAOS of handling all 5 kids in public!  ha!  But it is a good thing. 
20.  We have learned how rearrange our day to make the lives of these little guys easier (and indirectly, making ours smoother as well). 
21.  I love knowing that we have given these boys a safe place for now.  They love going to church and playing outside.  Perhaps these are things that are all foreign to them... 
22.  I have learned you don't have to know someone's story to love them.  I may never know why they scream at night or why they think they need to eat constantly... 
23.  I also learned that these parents love their kids and should not be judged by me.  Addictions are dark demons to get out from under, but that does not replace the love these parents have for their kids.  I am thankful I have met one of our mamas that taught me that lesson... 
24.  I have learned that I want no one but my husband to go through this crazy roller-coaster ride with me.  To watch him open his heart to these kids is amazing. 
25.  I have learned it is NOT all butterflies and roses.  The screaming fits, and the screaming...did I mention the SCREAMING??? is enough to put anyone under!  Food has been thrown, we've been hit, and we have had our heart broken with a baby screaming from drug withdrawals...   I have cried out of desperation and exhaustion, and lost sleep because they are "up again..." 
26.  But I have also experienced the benefit of prayers going up on our behalf.  How else could we do this?  We are not super parents...  We are not miracle-makers...  We are regular people that felt God calling us to foster care and love the forgotten, the broken, and the unlovable ones.  We are His hands and feet...which is so calming to me when we are in the middle of "another" fit with one of the kids.

Talent On Parade

I was super sad I could not attend Bella's kindergarten graduation.  It was during the day and I had school, but Brian was able to attend. 

Nationals in Ft. Walton Beach, FL!

We were excited that nationals were in Florida this year! We drove out on Friday afternoon the ++++++++ and stopped in ++++++ before getting up the next morning to drive in rest of the way. We had rented a condo on the gulf side of Oskaloosa Island (sp??) and it was beautiful! We went straight to the beach before cleaning up to get dinner at Fudpuckers (where we saw a newly written "RCDC" on the bathroom wall...LOL. It was Marci!) That next day,

 

was Bella's solo.  She was pretty creeped out by the fog machines and ran off stage during her solo.  After much convincing, she was allowed to go back out and recompete for adjudication only.  We were so proud of her for giving it another try!  The next day was duet day for Liv and Abby.  They KILLED their duet--best time ever!!  They got their first platinum of the year and came in 8th place over all!!  We were THRILLED!!!  That evening we went to eat dinner with Sonny and Julie Rhodes at Los Pancho Mexican restaurant (we had already eaten there once--it was SO good!). 

 

On July 4th, we hung out at the Rhodes' condo (Marci and Jason).  We went over there and spent most of the day.  Had sandwiches at lunch and again the Mexican place for dinner!  Then I took pictures of Tracy Pate's family.  We ended the day with the kids playing in the pool and the Pate's condo (other RCDC kids were there).

 

The rest of the week was groups.  They did pretty well.  Trouble was selected as most entertaining.  Super fun!  The last day was the finale where all of the "most entertaining" acts competed as well as the ones selected to recompete.  We headed home quickly after that and made it half way again before stopping for the night. 





 

Sistrunk Family Reunion

We went down to Louisiana and took Mamaw to Mitchell for a Sistrunk renunion.  It was HOT out there!  But we saw the old church building and ate some wonderful potluck food.  It was really cool seeing street signs like Sistrunk Rd.  And, I got some great pics of Mamaw and the girls.

Be the Church

The first Sunday of August, we participated in our annual Be the Church event at church.  We signed up to help the group collecting/cleaning suitcases for children in foster care.  I loved seeing my family serve like this.  The girls had so much fun! 

Mamaw's Birthday

We went to Louisiana for Mamaw's birthday (Brian was in NJ with his family).  She was so happy that so many of her family came for her party.  We had a great meal--gumbo made by Uncle Larry and the most amazing chocolate and Resses dessert made by mom).  I was so glad we could make it! 

I Teach K in Vegas

We barely got home in time from FL to get me unpacked and packed again for the flight for Vegas!  In fact, I even brought damp clothes in my suitcase because there was not enough time to dry them.  Ha!  We flew out on Sunday afternoon and arrived in Vegas that evening.  We were staying at the Venetian.  Rachel and I got our rooms next to each other.  When we opened the door to my room we about FELL OVER!  We were literally squealing and laughing so hard---the rooms were AMAZING!!!  I even had a weighted mini bar like on the movies!  I counted three TVs (even one in the bathroom), a dining table, stairs that went into the sunken living room...  Wow! 

The next morning, the conference started.  Patrice and her sister did their own thing most of the time, but I ran into them every once in a while.  The classes were great!!!  I got my picture made with Kim Adsit and fell in love with Deanna Jump as well!  Rachel and I ate dinner at some great places (a Mexican cantina near the gondola route, Senor Frogs, an Italian place along the mall area and then stayed up in my room working on school stuff for the next year.  One evening, I wanted to go out and see if that lounge was still there at the Bellaggio from 2 years ago.  I went with Patrice and her sister, but we didn't see it.  So we walked back up the strip checking out the shopping and casinos until we got back.  I was worn out at this point.  I hadn't done so much physical activity since the surgery and I was hurting! 

Rachel and I spent several afternoons after the conference at the pool at the Venetian.  It was gorgeous!  Then, on XXXXXXXXXX  I went out walking down the strip to get to the World of M&M on my own.  I shopped along the way and was pretty proud of myself for doing so much (and did not even feel so worn out!)

When we left the conference, we had done so much to prepare for this next year of school and had some great ideas of things to try.  I have never been so excited to start back to school before!

Isabelle and Swimming!

Isabelle White came over to swim and spend the day on Saturday the XXXXXX.  Olivia was so excited because Izzy will be moving soon and won't be going to Lisa Academy next year.  I am so sad these girls will be separated. 

Church Camp for Liv

Olivia got to experience church camp this year!  It was a day camp, but they were LONG days!  She got the activities she chose (archery and crafts) and ended up LOVING archery! 

Bella's Kindergarten Graduation

Brian was able to attend Bella's graduation (I couldn't get off of work!). They sang a few songs (which he videoed for me to see--precious!) and got their diplomas. Bella sure loves Mrs. Ward!

Starpower Dallas

We went to Dallas again for Starpower. Both girls danced ALL DAY on Saturday April 14th. Bella's solo went pretty good and got 4 1/2 stars and came in THIRD!!!! Yay! Aunt Berta, Uncle Dennis, Kaylyn, Tash and Jonathon came to watch Liv's hip hop and production. Then we went to eat at a local pizza place. That evening was small groups. Hallelujah got a special judges award of Future Stars and got 5 stars!!! It also came in FIRST place!!! Final Frontier got 4 1/2 stars, Handful of Keys got 4 1/2 stars, Trouble got 4 3/4 stars, Ooh LaLa got 4 1/2 and special judgew award of Fabulous French Award as well as first place, Diva got 4 3/4 stars and 7th place, Beat It got to the "toe tapping" award and got 4 1/2 stars, Please don't go also got 4 1/2 stars and 9th place. After the competition on Saturday, we went to IKEA on Sunday before driving back home.

Easter

I feel like Easter snuck up on us this year. I bought "stuff" to dye eggs, but we ended up with tickets to the Traveler's game Saturday night before so with the egg hunt at church Saturday around lunch time, there wasn't much time to dye eggs. We ended up doing Emily's trick--melted crayons on hot eggs. It was cool! The girls loved it (maybe as much as I did...). That evening, we went to our first Traveler's game as a family. I was worried the kids would be bored, but they LOVED IT! At the end, they got to run the bases at the end and get the autographs of the Traveler's dancers/cheerleaders. The next day we went to mom's for lunch and to hunt eggs. The kids looked SO cute (and it looked like we coordinated their outfits!).

and

A Sad Trip to Louisiana

We got word that Mamaw was not doing well at all and decided to go see her over spring break. I was afraid that we would not see her alive again and it devestated me. I took the girls and we met up with mom to see Mamaw and later pack up her apartment. Mom was right, she was in bad shape. Bella had to help feed her, and her memory was bad (she wasn't sure who we were). I had seen a picture on Pinterest I wanted REALLY badly of a multi-generational stack of hands. I set it all up and had the nurses take it of us. It was going to be my closure...but luckily, it was "unnecessary closure" because as Mamaw healed from her UTI, she got better and stronger. yay Packing up her apartment was a little sad as well... We went through and picked out things we wanted to keep of Mamaw's. Bella picked out a pink blanket and has slept with it every night since then. Before leaving LA, mom took us to Pancho's--the girls had never had the experience of raising the flag. Brian really missed out this time! ha!

Olivia is TEN!!

Since we had agreed to pay for the Bibbidi Bobbodi Boutique in Disney World in the place of a birthday party for each girl, Liv had a pretty calm birthday at home. She opened her gifts and loved them.

KAR--check stats

Even though KAR was not a "regular" competition for our studio, we entered Bella's solo and Liv's duet. Bella got a Top First, but was most excited about her bulldog we bought her that she affectionately named Harley. Liv's duet also got a Top First.

Valentine's Day

We got out the annual Valentine's mailboxes for the girls' gifts this year. I love those things! Then, that evening, Brian and I went to see the Blue Man Group at Robinson. Funny show. I am glad we got to go.

Starpower Hot Springs